i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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