I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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