Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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