Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im six kinds of drunk right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize