as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize