Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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