apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
