Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
