I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
