my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
