Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
