I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Randomize
