just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
