you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
