singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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