Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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