currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
