she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
