Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
