Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
