Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
