I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
