So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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