i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
