ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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