the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
