i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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