I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
