what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
