the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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