honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
