Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
