Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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