just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
