I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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