He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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