hotel room ftw
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
