walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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