you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
