there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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