I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
