On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how can u be prego again
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
