i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
