drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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