I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
