just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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