im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
