We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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