If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
