Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
