after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
