You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
