My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
