i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
