I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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