do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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