dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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