Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
