You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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