So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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