is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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