Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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