I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
