she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
