i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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