Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize