Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
