If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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